Yesterday I was reading a traumatizing article about weird interview questions. I hate weird interview questions. It’s like they’re specifically designed to make my eyes roll back in my head.

“Employers are asking tough interview questions to test a job candidate’s critical thinking skills, see how they problem solve on the spot, and gauge how they approach difficult situations,” said Susan Underwood of Glassdoor.

Susan and I clearly have different definitions of “tough”, since my response to most of these questions is who cares, can we please have a normal conversation? Emily and I took a stab at answering these.

Question 1:  How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
(From Gemalto)

Emily: There is no appropriate answer to that one except “fuck off.”

Jill: I don’t know, put some tall grass in there? He’ll probably go for it.

Emily: See, now I would’ve said cut it in half. This is why you’re more employable than me.

Question 2: What was the last thing you Googled?
(From Tim Hortons)

Jill: “Where is Hitler buried”, but I’m about to Google “Do hamsters exist in the wild?”

Emily: “How to type degree symbol on iPad.” LIFE SKILLS.

Jill: Yours is more sensible than mine.

Emily: I’m boring. Where is Hitler buried anyway?

Jill: For a while in a rat infested warehouse’s backyard and then they dug him up and burned him.

Emily: Oh shit, did not see that coming.

Jill: And maybe threw his ashes in a river? I can’t remember.

(By the way I completely misremembered everything about where Hitler is buried.)

Question 3: Which Game of Thrones character do you like most?
(From Bench Accounting)

Jill: Daenerys, obviously.

Emily: Well yeah. I thought these weren’t supposed to have obvious right answers.

Question 4:  How do you calculate the number of red cars in a city?
(From Manulife)

Jill: This is kind of a “fuck off” question. But it’s from Manulife so I guess it’s part of insurance.

Emily: I truly have no idea what kind of information is on record for this kind of thing. Could you look up somewhere the percentage of new cars sold that are red, then apply that to the number of registered vehicles in the city? I have no idea if either of those numbers are like, on record.

What would you do?

Jill: I feel like I could just get this information from the registry. I’m assuming I have access to that? Because why would I calculate this?

Emily: Right! Registration says the colour of the car. Sidenote: go ahead and change my last thing Googled answer to “how many cars are red.”

Jill: This next one is my favourite. Are you ready?

Question 5: Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses?
(From Whole Foods Market Meat Cutter)

Emily: Whoa.

Okay, let me think.

I feel like 100 duck-sized horses would be a nightmare. But what do you even do with a horse-sized duck? Can’t get your arms around that thing…and the size of the beak!

Still, I’m taking that over 400 vicious little hooves.

Jill: Really? I would choose the 100 tiny horses. I feel like I could do some real damage if I just swung a golf club in a circle for a while.

Meanwhile a horse-sized duck could basically beak me in twain.

Emily: But then the sick crunches of all those little horse bones would haunt your dreams forever.

Do people really have these discussions in job interviews? This shit is dark.

Jill: THEY CAME FOR ME. I did what I had to do.

Ironically this question is from the Whole Foods meat cutting department.

I’m not saying they are definitely breeding duck-size horses, but some DNA analysis on those steaks wouldn’t go amiss.

Emily: Another pro for the horse-sized duck: sounds delicious.